There is a day, a day that all of mankind has been waiting for. A day that is so great and wonderful that it makes their heart leap with joy. A moment that completes their lives and fills their soul with little butterflies, rainbows, and peanut butter. an occurrence so powerful it can prevent the attack of a saber tooth tiger. a moment that no man, woman, or child has ever expected to happen in their entire lives, until the day it finally does. When this moment finally shows up on their front doorstep, asking for some halloween candy. What is this moment? its the moment when some little idiot dresses up as a bunny for halloween. If you ever see this bunny, if you ever get the chance to hand out candy to this little dumb ass, there is only one thing you can do. The moment they innocently cry out, "trick or treat!" you give that evil, menacing smile and you yell back to that kid, "silly rabbit, Trix are for kids!" and you slam the door in that little suckers face and you eat his candy right in front of him through your window as he takes the walk of shame to your neighbors house. if this moment ever happens to you, if you get to experience one of the most glorious moments of life, i tell you to enjoy the meal of the little punks candy, for it is the finest feast a man will ever have.

I have come across one of the greatest conspiracies of all time yesterday: carrots are fingers! The one thing that the government has been trying to pass off is that vegetables are actually good for you and to "eat your greens." Well if thats the case then im gunna start drinking Hulk piss in order to get my full serving of vitamin D! those lying sons of bitches have been hiding something and i decided to find out what. while the government was shutdown, i took a little stroll into the Capital building. While i was in there, i was even more pissed to find out that that's where they had been hiding all the twinkies! while twinkies were off the market, these worms took 75 percent of the twinkies that were still in stores and hid them in their basement! they weren't even eating them! they were filling up balloons with the cream and having their own water balloon fights. it was some bullshit. After i swapped the cream with acid, i went onto one of their computers and found out, not only has the government been selling nerf guns as a way of training kids for the military, but that in order to preserve more land, the government has been digging up freshly dead corpses and chopping up the bodies and letting them decay into veggies. thats right! carrots are fingers, potatoes are butts, peas are nipples, eggplants are abs, lettuce are layers of skin, and broccolli are noses with the nose hairs still attached to the end. Heed my warning America! The government is feeding you human body parts as vegetables!

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funny

funny, a photo by j.quinlan2013 on Flickr.

me likey my potatoes

i saw an ad once for subway and how they wont judge you for what you order, so i was determined to try and weird them out for my choice in food. so i walked into a subway, and they asked me "what can i get you?" i responded, "i would like a footlong of your wheat bread." they then asked, " what would you like on top?" i replied, "nothing." i bought the bread and walked away. the look on the employees faces were priceless. mission: successful!

watch this without laughing and I will pay you $1000!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ulEqGL82Igo

http://audioboo.fm/Bobbang1