I have come across one of the greatest conspiracies of all time yesterday: carrots are fingers! The one thing that the government has been trying to pass off is that vegetables are actually good for you and to "eat your greens." Well if thats the case then im gunna start drinking Hulk piss in order to get my full serving of vitamin D! those lying sons of bitches have been hiding something and i decided to find out what. while the government was shutdown, i took a little stroll into the Capital building. While i was in there, i was even more pissed to find out that that's where they had been hiding all the twinkies! while twinkies were off the market, these worms took 75 percent of the twinkies that were still in stores and hid them in their basement! they weren't even eating them! they were filling up balloons with the cream and having their own water balloon fights. it was some bullshit. After i swapped the cream with acid, i went onto one of their computers and found out, not only has the government been selling nerf guns as a way of training kids for the military, but that in order to preserve more land, the government has been digging up freshly dead corpses and chopping up the bodies and letting them decay into veggies. thats right! carrots are fingers, potatoes are butts, peas are nipples, eggplants are abs, lettuce are layers of skin, and broccolli are noses with the nose hairs still attached to the end. Heed my warning America! The government is feeding you human body parts as vegetables!