watch this without laughing and I will pay you $1000!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ulEqGL82Igo

http://audioboo.fm/Bobbang1

this is what happens when I try to play golf...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=358wSZI7WUw

so i was walking around town yesterday when i was approached by a mime. he started mocking me and repeating my every move. i tried to outsmart him my mocking him mocking me back at him. this did not work. so i started running into walls and seeing if he would do the same. he only pretended to run into an imaginary wall. i started to get furious. so i took a bucket of water and splashed him in the face, hoping he would melt like the witch in the wizard of oz. but what i saw changed my life forever. i saw...... a black man. who ever would have known that under all that white makeup was a black man. my mind has been blown from then on.

today, i would like to discuss my perfect house. my house would be just a closet. a 6 foot by 6 foot closet. when you walked inside, you would be greeted by my pet, the evil rabbit from monty python and the holy grail. The rabbit is my guard bunny to keep me safe from intruders. the only other thing in my house would be a glass of milk. if you drink the milk, you will see there is a button at the bottom of the glass. push the button, and the ground will open up and a water slide would appear. take the water slide all the way down and you will see my REAL house. my underground mansion! in it, there is a candy room where aaron carter sings i want candy to me and my guests. i would also have another room specifically for paintball or laser tag. i would also have my own aquarium where i keep all of my exotic fish. These fish would be trained not to attack and you could swim with them. i would also have a submarine that looks like a squid. next to my aquarium, i would have a virtual reality room that simulated the world of minecraft. i would be able to do everything i could in minecraft except for flight. i could also die and respawn in this world. my bed would be a tempur pedic with brown pillows in the middle, a yellow blanket on top of that, and another tempur pedic on top so it would look like a cheeseburger. because as everyone knows, you cant have a goodnights sleep unless your on a cheeseburger. i would also have a batcave with actors that simulated villains so i could beat them to a pulp and once again save gotham city. to top everything off, i would have a pool of Gatorade because if Gatorade is better than water, than i think if i swam in gatorade i would be able to swim faster. this would be my perfect house and everyone would be allowed over... except for Pete Ippolito.

the other day, i watched Titanic for the first time. i was so moved that when i went to take a shower that night, i ended up singing Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On." i sand my little heart out. i sang to the high heavens themselves, like an angel. i was singing so well, the little blue birds flew through my window and started singing with me. a deer walked in and started listening to my beautiful pipes. by the time i got out of the shower, i had my own fan base of all the enchanted animals from the forest. i bowed in front of them and they applauded me. A couple of hours later, i walked outside to get the paper, and i was greeted by snow white. i said to her, "greetings! how may i help you?" her eyes turned bright red and she said in a demonic voice, "your voice stole the enchanted creatures from my forest! you must suffer!" she then pulled out a sword and attacked me. i pulled out my light saber and went to cut her sword in half. but it didnt work because she had excalibur. we battled for hours. we were bleeding all throughout our bodies, she lunged and she slashed and i blocked and i swang my lightsaber toward her evil demonic soul. I started to get tired and she started to win, and with one final swing of her sword, she knocked the lightsaber out of my hands. she leaned in toward me and said, " your soul shall perish to the deep depths of the underworld." she raised her sword to finish me off, when all of a sudden, brick from the movie anchorman threw a trident through her heart. He smiled, winked at me, and defeated the evil snow white. I said to him, "thank you, oh wise brick, for saving my life." he looked at me and said the most inspiring words i had ever heard, "your lucky my mermaid expired!" i will never forget those words. as i watched him ride off into the sunset on his furry tractor, my eyes began to tear. I said to myself, "that is the most beautiful and wisest man i had ever laid my purple eyes on." I will never forget the man, THE LEGEND, that is.... Brick Tamland!

feeling pretty lazy today, here are some pictures of monkeys.

on the eve of my toenail, i liked to smell a sandwich. this was a holiday tradition and it never failed me before. until one day, i was walking down the hallway smelling this delicious peanut butter and mayonnaise sandwhich when i bumped into a brick wall named anthony fastuca. i fell to the floor and looked up only to see him standing over me. his nostrils were flaring and he glared down at me and said, "Hey boy! give me your sandwhich!" i said, " you dont understand, this is a magical sandwhich that can grant me 1 wish." he leaned in and whispered into my ear, " I dont care... im a wild boy!" he took my sandwhich, took a bite, and floated off into the air. he cried out, " WHATS HAPPENING!?!?" i told him, "i told you, its a magical sandwhich that only grant ME one wish. and i wished for you to float off into the magical game of candy land. the only way for you to escape is to make it all the way to the candy kingdom." he cried out, "NOOOOOOOO!" and he floated off. i havent seen him ever since..... until last month. but thats a story for another time. until then, tune in next time to find out what i think my perfect house would look like.]

well guys, we made it through our football careers. i wish i was there with you guys to play all four years, but sadly i didn't and it is one of my greatest regrets. we had our fun and we shared some laughs. i had a great time with you guys and wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. i will never forget this football season. we went through it all. we went through injuries, drug problems, and quitters. but the weak have fallen and the strong have survived, and i wouldnt have had it any other way. i am very proud of each and every one of you guys and love you all. thank you all for such a memorable season that i can look back on through the years and smile about. i will never forget you guys and wish you all the best of luck in your college careers. maybe one day we can all get together and try to do it again with some backyard football. until then, i'll miss playing with you guys. good luck everybody.  
                                                                                                                              -Quinlan